Tonight's the night

I've been thinking about trying my hand at standup comedy since high school. In 11th grade, I checked out a book from the library on how to be a comic. That book was a useless waste of paper but recently my depression, narcissism, loneliness, and above average looks have led me to believe I could do not horribly at a free local open mic night. I've gone a few nights to see what the talent was like, with my intention of getting on stage last week being shot down by my doubt and fear. The host literally sat across from me and wrote out a list of who goes first, second, etc... there's a way to say that and not sound like an ESL kid, but I can't think of what you call it. An order list? No. Fool. Why am I doing this? 

So, before I talk myself out of it, tonight's the night I get up and look awkward for 4 or 5 minutes. I'm excited. I don't have to do well my first time, I just have to get the first time over with.

Fear of what other people think has kept me from doing a lot of things, even things that people would have been supportive of me doing. This is a ticket I've held on to as a reminder of how much worrying gets in the way of fun. I bought the ticket, thinking I'd go and enjoy myself, only to drop out at the last minute because I was worried people would look at me and think negative things. 

Now I'm going to get myself in a situation where drunk people are all looking at me, my voice will be amplified, and those fucks will expect a free laugh or two. Here goes nothing.