Bridesmaids

I went to see Bridesmaids tonight after reading a couple of reviews and deciding it'd be better to see an average movie than to sit around the house and look at job listings I don't qualify for, falling deeper into hopelessness and anger.

Take two

I wonder if I'll keep blogging when I run out of hackneyed titles. 

Tonight I went back to Surly Girl for its open mic night. Hard to believe I've been doing this an entire week now. Earlier in the day, I was browsing the poetry section of the white supremacist website Stormfront. I find some of the poems funny because of how insane the people who post there are. Imagine my surprise when I find a thread of "romantic" poems. I printed a couple of them and brought them to the open mic, thinking that I'd read them, make fun of them, and bask in the laughter. That didn't happen. I'm not sure if it's because nobody had heard of Stormfront and where taken aback when I explained what the site was about or whether reading something on stage doesn't really work. 

Pass

I went to Scarlet & Grey Cafe tonight to do my second open mic. After hanging around till after midnight only to find out I was still at least another hour away from going on, I left. Had the audience been good, one I could see getting an honest response from, I would have stayed the extra hour and gone one. In a radical departure from last week, I didn't have a single drink this time. The idea was to be sober so I could actually pay attention to what I was doing. 

Unfortunately, most of the people there were not there for the comics and most of the comics who performed said it was a bad night. I wanted to try something I didn't do last week, and while it probably would've been good to get up and get used to being ignored, I didn't feel like hanging around any longer. I'm not really sure there's a point in performing in front of people who don't want to see you.

Sure, there is the side that says to do it no matter what, but if it isn't fun then what's the point? Why are all these people performing at open mics, be it comedy, poetry, or music, if they're not enjoying it. It's not a career path. It would be sad if everyone thought that someday they'd "make it." Now I'm going to argue with myself and ask "Well, Shane. Do you even believe what you just said? Isn't the hope of future success part of what drives people to perform in front of 5 people for free?" 

Most people will not reach their creative goals. Their band won't have the success they want; novel.doc will never see a dust jacket; people will never talk about their work. It must be better to try and fail than not try at all and hopefully enjoy the journey.

Report: First time out

Anticipation is worse than outcome. Outcome is better when there aren't three tall boys splashing around in your stomach.

Tonight's the night

I've been thinking about trying my hand at standup comedy since high school. In 11th grade, I checked out a book from the library on how to be a comic. That book was a useless waste of paper but recently my depression, narcissism, loneliness, and above average looks have led me to believe I could do not horribly at a free local open mic night. I've gone a few nights to see what the talent was like, with my intention of getting on stage last week being shot down by my doubt and fear. The host literally sat across from me and wrote out a list of who goes first, second, etc... there's a way to say that and not sound like an ESL kid, but I can't think of what you call it. An order list? No. Fool. Why am I doing this? 

So, before I talk myself out of it, tonight's the night I get up and look awkward for 4 or 5 minutes. I'm excited. I don't have to do well my first time, I just have to get the first time over with.

Fear of what other people think has kept me from doing a lot of things, even things that people would have been supportive of me doing. This is a ticket I've held on to as a reminder of how much worrying gets in the way of fun. I bought the ticket, thinking I'd go and enjoy myself, only to drop out at the last minute because I was worried people would look at me and think negative things. 

Now I'm going to get myself in a situation where drunk people are all looking at me, my voice will be amplified, and those fucks will expect a free laugh or two. Here goes nothing.